


A Diffident Confidence

by Thevina



Category: Slave Breakers - maculategiraffe
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 14:53:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2511674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thevina/pseuds/Thevina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Andrei is injured while ice skating, Lee struggles to rise above his self-perceived inadequacies in caring for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Diffident Confidence

Lee had never concentrated for so long and yet had so much fun at the same time. Andrei skated at his side: he wasn't as effortless and elegant as some of the others out on the ice, but unlike Lee, it wasn't his first time on ice skates.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" he asked.

Lee was so engrossed in keeping his balance and not flailing like a panicked chicken that it took him a few seconds to answer. When he felt more secure on the thin blades, he risked a look at his former master with a wide grin.

"Yes!" he gushed. "I'd never even heard about ice skating before. I knew that some people had special shoes for deep snow, but this is nothing like that."

He breathed on his mitten-covered hands to warm them and nearly lost his balance.

"I'm so glad you were willing to give ice skating a try," Andrei said, his cheeks reddened from the cold wind that blew across the rink. "It's hard to believe you're the same young man who was practically afraid of his own shadow when we first met."

Lee never tired of hearing the pride in Andrei's voice, and he beamed at him.

"You've helped me learn not to be afraid all the time," he said, speeding just slightly to match Andrei's stride. "You and Mona, and Holden, of course. But he never took me ice skating."

Andrei chuckled, a warm sound that made Lee feel content and safe.

"It's enough for me that he rescued two of the most important people in my life."

Lee felt his face grew hot, still in a state of disbelief at how dearly his former master cared about him. He was about to stammer through some kind of appropriate response when, from seemingly out of nowhere, a young girl in a grey fur coat careened into Andrei. He crashed hands first onto the ice with a sickening snapping sound. Desperate to help Andrei, Lee slid and fell onto his knees at Andrei's side.

"Andrei!" he gasped. "Are you okay?"

"I—" Andrei said through gritted teeth, "need an ambulance."

"Where?" Lee began, then he wrenched his gaze away from Andrei's anguished expression and bellowed, "Help! Ambulance! HELP!!"

Though it seemed like an eternity as Lee watched for assistance, it wasn't more than ten minutes before an ambulance arrived. Lee had helped turn Andrei over, asking him about his injuries through a haze of tears while other skaters gawked or offered their opinions, which Lee ignored. While the medics put Andrei on a stretcher, Lee furiously unlaced his skates and shoved them away.

"Are you a family member?" one of the medics asked, looking dubiously at Lee. He was shuffling as fast as he could without falling to keep up with them.

"No, but I'm... I'm..."

"He's a member of my household and the closest I have to family," Andrei said, his voice strained. "I need him with me."

The medic scowled, but grudgingly let Lee into the back of the ambulance. As they sped off, another medic busied herself with Andrei, assessing the damage caused by his fall. She cut open one sleeve of Andrei's wool coat to start an IV. Andrei grimaced and Lee cried as the needle went in.

“I can't hold your hand,” he wailed. Helpless, he ran his fingers over Andrei's sweaty forehead and down his jaw.

"He's probably broken both wrists," the medic affirmed, briskly wiping at the blood that had dried under Andrei's swollen nose.

Andrei gritted his teeth as the vehicle careened through traffic. Memories assaulted Lee as they grew closer to the hospital: he remembered being chained to his hospital bed and Bran never leaving his side. It seemed like a lifetime ago, in another world, back when the Slave Breakers had first bought him.

"Stay with me," Andrei rasped.

"Of course. I'd never leave you," Lee vowed, leaning down to kiss him gently on the lips.

"He's my patient until we get to the hospital," the medic said sternly. "No more of that until he's gotten through surgery."

"Surgery?" Lee spluttered. He looked at Andrei's hands and wrists, stabilized but at unnatural angles, and let out a pitiful whimper.

"I'll be fine," Andrei said weakly. "If anyone needs permission for anything to do with my care, sign for me. I don't think I'll be able to sign anything for a while."

"Oh Andrei," Lee moaned, feeling wretched and useless as the ambulance pulled up to the emergency room doors.

"Don't worry, sweetheart." Andrei's voice was thick. Whatever drugs were being administered had kicked in and Lee saw he was struggling to stay awake.

"I love you," Lee whispered as the medics opened the back door. With effort, from under drooping lids, Andrei looked at Lee. He opened his mouth, but then his eyes closed, his reply unspoken.

* * * * *

"This seems almost normal." Andrei turned his head to glance over his shoulder at Lee, a rueful smile on his face.

"It is," Lee said stubbornly. He nudged Andrei's head so he'd look forward again as he brushed out his fiery hair. "The next few weeks will fly by and you'll be out of your casts in no time."

He pulled Andrei's hair gently into a ponytail and tied a navy ribbon around it. He wished that he felt as confident as he sounded. The truth was, he'd never had this much responsibility, certainly not over another human being. No one in his life had ever looked to _him_ for security and assistance. The weight of how dependent Andrei would be until his wrists healed was growing heavier by the minute, allowing all of Lee's insecurities to rise up like weeds through cracks in the sidewalk. Firm knocks on the door to Andrei's hospital room shook him out of his defeatist thoughts.

"Come in!" Andrei called out.

The door opened and Bran strode in, grinning at them both. He took an aubergine cloak off his arm and twirled it in front of him.

"Lord Taganov! Lee! Your chauffeur has arrived. Andrei, I hope this was the cape you wanted. It fit the description you gave me on the phone."

"Yes, that's splendid. Thank you so much, Bran."

Bran expediently draped the wool cloak over the arms of a chair before bestowing kisses on both of them. Lee felt his spirits rise as Bran kissed him, a slow, intimate dance that somehow wasn't overtly sexual. Lee kept his hand on Andrei's shoulder, and squeezed it once Bran stepped away. Bran appraised the aristocrat with a sharp evaluative eye that reminded Lee of Holden.

"For a gentleman who broke his wrists and nearly his nose three days ago, you don't look so bad!"

Andrei laughed, hanging his head for a moment. "The doctors here know what they're doing, and it doesn't hurt that I have the most wonderful caretaker I could ever hope for."

Lee felt his cheeks heat up and looked down at his boots, embarrassed.

"Well, let's get you both back to your house. Lee, stop blushing!" Bran chastened good-naturedly.

Lee cleared his throat and walked over to the cape, busying himself to have something to do. "Are you sure you don't want a wheelchair?" he asked as Andrei stood up, holding out his cast-covered arms.

"There's nothing wrong with my legs. I'm not a complete invalid."

The words weren't said harshly, but Lee cringed anyway. He concentrated on arranging the cloak and managed to regain his composure, but he didn't know how to respond. Bran rescued him.

"Your carriage awaits," he said expansively, gesturing toward the door. " Do you need to finish up any paperwork, or have you been discharged?"

"Everything's completed. Lee has dealt wonderfully with the intricacies of hospital bureaucracy. He even admonished one of the orderlies who he didn't think was up to snuff!"

"Really? Good for you!" Bran winked at Lee. "I'm glad you made sure Andrei was taken care of."

"If Mona were here, she'd have known exactly what to do," Lee found himself saying, unable to really believe Bran and Andrei's compliments.

" _You_ knew exactly what to do." Andrei raised his arm as they walked out of the hospital and fluttered the back of his fingers against Lee's cheek. "I know I can count on you. I'm sorry you doubt yourself."

Lee's insides were in turmoil as Bran drove them in Holden's car to Lord Taganov's stately residence. He sat in the back of the car, listening with one ear as Bran asked Andrei a slew of health questions. He also reiterated that he could provide transportation at any time.

"Maybe it's time for you to learn how to drive!" he said to Lee, glancing back at him in the rearview mirror.

"Me? Drive?" Lee stammered. "I've never even thought about it!"

"You're a free man," Andrei said, his tone muted as it tended to be when he brought up that topic. "Wouldn't you like to be able to drive? I could teach you."

"Just a minute," Bran interrupted. "Not to be disrespectful, but shouldn't you wait until you have full use of your hands before teaching him?"

"You suggested it!" Lee said defensively.

"I didn't mean today or tomorrow."

"That's what it sounded like."

Blood pounded in Lee's ears. He felt agitated and inferior and he didn't like feeling that way, especially not toward Bran.

"Lee sweetheart, I think you'll be fairly busy helping me until I graduate to arm braces." He lifted his left arm as though to reach back over the seat, made a disgruntled sigh and turned halfway around instead. "Bran has a point, though. It would give you even more independence if you could drive. We might want to go out to the coast again, or even to a cabin in one of the national forests. It would be nice to be able to take turns behind the wheel."

Lee considered that, still overcome by the battle between his strong desire to protect and care for his former master and his fear of doing something terribly wrong.

"I'd like to think about it," he said finally, relief coursing through him as Bran pulled into the long semi-circular driveway. "But not until you're fully healed."

"I'll second that. Pardon my language, but damn, these casts itch!" Andrei exclaimed.

"There's your first task," Bran said. After he parked and turned off the ignition, he turned to look at Lee with an impish grin. "You can make a scratcher of some kind for your patient, Nurse Lee."

"Don't even joke about that," Lee mumbled. He scooted across the seat and climbed out of the car. "I'm a former slave, not a nurse." He slid his arm under the Andrei's cape to take him by the elbow. He looked into Andrei's bemused face and started to reassure him, tripping over the words in his haste to get them out. "But I'll make you a scratcher and I'll get any places for you that itch. You just tell me where. I'll feed you if you can't or it's too awkward with your casts. And I have those special bags to cover your casts when you want to take a bath."

Bran had walked ahead, unlocking the house with a spare key Ilsa, Andrei's cook, had brought to him. "You won't take advantage of being so helpless, will you?" he asked Andrei, a mirthful expression on his face.

"Of course I will! I've had to take care of myself for years." He tilted his head and placed a lingering kiss on Lee's lips. "Lee's a savvy young man. He'll know if I'm asking for too much."

"You would never ask for too much," Lee replied, shaking his head. He began unbuttoning Andrei's cape. "I'd do anything for you. You've given me so much," he went on quietly. "My freedom. Everything."

"Lee, you are _such_ a sap." Bran smacked Lee on his bottom. After the shock of surprise, Lee whirled around and grabbed Bran's backside in both hands. He squeezed it. Hard.

"Really!"

Ilsa's voice carried over Bran's gasp, Lee's soft growl and Andrei's half-hearted admonitions for them to behave themselves.

"Andrei, it is so good to have you home. You poor dear," she clucked as Lee and Bran disentangled themselves.

There was a cheery melee for a time, then Bran took his leave, making Lee promise to call if he or Andrei needed anything at all. Due to Andrei's condition, Ilsa thoughtfully had made a simple dinner of soup and sandwiches. Andrei proved to be able to feed himself, albeit awkwardly. Lee was relieved, as he knew Andrei didn't want to have to be fed as though he were an infant. Ilsa stayed to clean up the dishes, dote on Andrei, and confer with both of them about his pain medication. Once she had gone home, Lee said, "Let me turn on the logs and make you some tea."

"That would be wonderful," Andrei sighed as he sank into a luxurious leather couch.

Lee watched him for any signs of discomfort, but Andrei only smiled gratefully at him. Lee put on the teakettle and then turned on the gas logs. They fascinated him, though he missed the smell of a real fire. When he was satisfied that Andrei was truly comfortable, he went upstairs to turn up the heat in Andrei's room. He hummed happily to himself, fluffing Andrei's pillows and smiling when he saw that Ilsa had placed a vase of cut flowers on Andrei's chest of drawers. Once he felt the bedroom was just right, he bounced back down the stairs, checked up on Andrei and readied his tea. While he didn't like the taste of alcohol, he knew Andrei well enough to feel confident adding a splash of brandy to the cup.

"You're really something," Andrei murmured when Lee placed the cup and saucer on the coffee table.  
He cautiously held out his right arm, palm up, fingers slowly stretching and waving.

Lee let his fingers dance gently against them, replying, "I can't believe I'm taking care of you. It's always been the other way around."

With his left hand, Andrei reached for the tea. He sipped thoughtfully on it and stretched out his legs. "Life sometimes throws big surprises our way, both good and terrible. You and I know that well, though I don't believe I'd have survived what you endured." He turned his gaze from their nimble fingers to look at Lee. His eyes glimmered; Lee could tell he was on the verge of tears. "I don't want to bring it up, your past. But by the stars, I'm glad you survived and that I was able to buy you. And even more than that, I'm so relieved that you've stayed with me, even with your freedom."

Lee tried to resist the urge to sit in Andrei's lap and hold him close, but his need to touch him won out.

"Is it okay if I?" Without waiting for an answer, he straddled Andrei's lap and draped his arms around his neck. Andrei made a pleased humming sound and moved his arms, letting them rest on Lee's thighs, frustration settling on his face.

"Yes, honey. I'm not up for the full range of your skills tonight, but I've missed having you close to me." His tongue darted out, tracing his lower lip.

"Close?" Lee parroted, shifting his weight so their groins rubbed together, leaning in so his lips hovered just above Andrei's. Andrei closed the miniscule gap, sucking gently on Lee's lower lip. Lee moaned softly at the contact.

"I've missed sleeping in our bed together." Andrei's tongue slid into Lee's mouth and Lee sucked on it before kissing Andrei deeply. He slid one hand up Andrei's neck, the other anchoring on his shoulder blade. It felt strange not to have Andrei's hands pulling him close, but Lee savored the familiar taste of Andrei's mouth, the slow dance of their tongues. When Andrei pulled away, Lee was baffled to see regret on his handsome face.

"What is it?"

"My wrists ache. I wish dearly that you and I could have a celebratory night of sex, but I'm afraid I need to take my pain medication and a sleeping tablet and go to bed. I haven't hurt your feelings, have I?"

"Of course not! Us being at home together, that's enough. For now." Lee adopted Bran's mischievous demeanor before resuming his role as caretaker. "I'll get the medicine and some water and take it upstairs. Will you be okay?"

"Unless you hear me calling for you or swearing, assume I'm fine."

"I'll help you get undressed and into your pyjamas," Lee volunteered as he slid off Andrei's lap and rearranged his tunic.

"Much appreciated. Thank you." Andrei brushed a kiss across his cheek and walked toward the stairs. "Oh— do you mind taking care of the house before you come upstairs? And if you could bring a small brandy for me, I'd love a nightcap."

"Don't you worry about a thing. Just don't overwork yourself. I'll be up in a few minutes."

With an ease that surprised him, Lee put together Andrei's medications and engaged in the nightly rituals he knew Andrei did each evening to ensure the house was locked and secure. When Lee arrived in the bedroom, Andrei was standing near the bed, his expectant look morphing to one of relief.

"You'll be pleased to know that not only can I feed myself, but I can brush my teeth and tend to other bodily functions without assistance. I shouldn't be so happy about that," he said, obviously embarrassed.

"Well, you do basically have two broken wrists," Lee challenged. He put down his tray and gave Andrei a quick hug before walking to a mahogany chest of drawers and pulling out a pair of soft pyjamas.

"I know." Andrei compliantly followed Lee's lead, assisting him as Lee undressed him and got him into his nightclothes. "I guess I'm not as copacetic as I thought I would be about being so dependent. And it’s not that I mind being depending on you, I just feel a bit foolish needing help getting dressed and undressed."

Lee moved to the bed, turning back the covers and sheets, caught up in a current of insecurity. "What does copa— copaseh—"

"Copacetic. Sorry, sweetheart. I'm not fully myself. I didn't mean to use a word you don't know without defining it."

"No, no, it's fine," Lee insisted, easing Andrei in to bed.

"It's not." Regret settled on his face as Lee put the pills on his tongue and handed him some water. After swallowing, Andrei went on, "Copacetic means feeling okay about things. I guess I haven't felt this insecure and powerless since my parents were killed."

Lee thought of how powerless he'd been throughout his life. He'd been unable to prevent himself from being beaten, raped and abused. It was obviously a total mistake for him to be taking care of his former master, an aristocrat and scholar. He could barely read and write, for goodness' sake!

"You probably wish Mona was here, don't you?" he said dully.

Andrei looked surprised. "Why would you say that? Please come and sit by me. I feel like I'm not communicating well with you at all and that makes me unhappy."

Lee got into bed and snuggled next to Andrei, though his stomach had started to churn again. What was he doing wrong that made Andrei feel uncomfortable? Andrei finished his nightcap and turned the lamp on his bedside table down to its lowest setting.

"I've been independent for a long time," he mused, raising his arm before lowering it again. "Off the topic, I really hate that I can't hold you."

"It won't be forever," Lee said quickly, running his palm across Andrei's chest.

"It only seems like it. Enough of my self-pity. Things could be far worse than to be cared for by a beautiful, affectionate, sensitive young man."

Lee knew his cheeks were scarlet. Rather than say something that might be inappropriate, he kept his reply very short. "Thank you," he whispered.

A tired smile drifted to Andrei's lips. "It's the truth. You've mentioned Mona several times today, and you seem to feel that you're inferior to her. I think you know that I bought her because I was lonely and I found her personality captivating. I needed a companion, someone who I knew understood me and would look out for me. When I was able to buy you, it was because I'd already become smitten by you. I had the hope that once you were in my household, you'd grow confident and learn to trust me. I knew you were trained by the best there is, and I'll be honest I'd had a long dry spell and was so glad you were eager and wanted to please me."

"That's what a good sex slave does," Lee said weakly.

"Yes, honey. I guess what I want you to understand is that I have tremendous faith and confidence in you. You as a man. As an intelligent, complex, loving human being. You, Lee, who constantly surprise and delight me simply because you're you."

"Bran's right," Lee sniffed, rubbing his wet nose on his tunic. "I am a sap. And so are you."

"Guilty. Give me a few days at home barely able to use my hands and I'm afraid I'll be an unbearable, complaining bastard."

Lee couldn't suppress his snorted giggle. Andrei rarely swore, and unless it was said in anger, which was incredibly rare, it amused Lee to no end.

"If you get to be too awful, I'll just phone Bran. Maybe we'll tie your casts together with ribbon and ravish you until you're too exhausted to be cranky."

Andrei's sleepy gaze sharpened. "That's quite a provocative suggestion, but I don't know that I could fully enjoy both of you given my current condition. Not only that, but the one time we invited him over for a threesome, you were a sobbing wreck."

Lee tried to act indignant and failed. "It was" He thought for a moment, searching for the most appropriate descriptor for the mind-blowing, loving sex with both men at once. "overwhelming."

"I'll say. I can barely keep my eyes open, even though thinking about you and Bran is, well, exciting to say the least." He turned his head and Lee kissed him softly. "But honey, you by yourself are exciting enough for me."

"Thank you. Go on to sleep, Andrei. I'm not tired yet, so I'll sit and read for a little bit. If you need me during the night, wake me up. Promise me, please."

"I promise. Sweet dreams."

"You, too."

Lee helped Andrei get comfortable on his back, his arms lying parallel across his torso. When he could tell Andrei was asleep, Lee deftly slid out of bed to retrieve his book, turning out Andrei's lamp on his return trip. Andrei had been surprised when he'd shown interest in a book about the history of their city and surrounding countryside. It was slow going for him, and he had to hold the book close to him to make the letters come into focus. Lee contentedly took his time, mouthing the words and using his finger as a guide. He read until he realized he was reading the same few sentences over and over again. Yawning, Lee put the book on the floor and turned out his lamp. As he pulled the soft sheets and blankets over him and curled up against Andrei's side, he thought again about Mona. She would be livid if she weren't told what had happened. Lee now felt reasonably confident he could reassure her that he was taking good care of him.

"We'll call her in the morning," he whispered against Andrei's collarbone before placing a kiss on his skin. Closing his eyes, he tried to think of ways he could pleasure Andrei without affecting his arms. Instead, he found himself envisioning being behind the wheel of Andrei's luxury car, surprising him by having learned how to drive. He could imagine the delight on Andrei's face, laying a bandaged hand on Lee's leg.

 _"I had no idea of the lengths you'd to go to rescue me from being cooped up,"_ Lee heard as he drifted into a dream, confident and elated.

* * * * *

"Lee, honey? I'm still a bit woozy. Do you mind—?"

"Of course not!"

Lee was awake in an instant, a survival trait that refused to go away, even though he'd never been safer in his life. He scooted out of bed to escort a sheepish Andrei to the master bath. Andrei's face was slightly puffy with sleep, and he didn't even murmur or apologize for being a bother when Lee held his penis so he didn't splash the commode.

"Thank you," Andrei said as he shuffled back to bed. "I'm just going to lie down for a while longer."

"Good idea." Lee tucked the covers around him, carefully pulling the comforter over his fingers peeking out from white casts. "I'll make coffee so it will be ready for you when you do get up. But there's no rush, not at all."

Andrei made a grateful sighing sound and mumbled something unintelligible. Lee kissed him on the forehead and then put on a warm robe and slippers. Downstairs in the kitchen he washed his hands, made tea for himself and readied Andrei's coffee so he could just push a button for it to percolate once Andrei was out of bed. He poured milk into his tea and while stirring it, the clarity of his dreams accosted him with such force that his spoon clattered to the floor. He'd proudly driven Andrei to the shops in the center of town; he'd visited Holden and his household; he'd shaken out of Jer's bear hug and pointed to the passenger door, demanding that he sit down and put on his seatbelt or they'd never get to the beach. Could he really be like that, feel like he had in his dream?

"I'm a free man," he whispered, leaning down to pick up the spoon. "Andrei has said lots of times that I can do anything if I just put my mind to it."

A few minutes later he sat at the kitchen table, his tea placed strategically far away from the piece of heavy cream paper he'd taken from Andrei's desk. The ink pen Mona had given him was in his mouth as he chewed thoughtfully on it. Nodding, he placed the pen to the surface of the paper and began to write, each letter written with precise care.  


  
_Dear Bran,_  
 _I want to ask you a favor. I want you to teach me how to drive. It will be a ~~secret~~ a surprise for Andrei._  
 _Love, your friend,_  
  
 _Lee_ 



End file.
